Honorable Discharge

YOU'VE PROBABLY don't know this fact, but one of the first anatomical wars was fought by England and Spain in the early 1700s. It was called the War of Jenkins's Ear.

A Robert Jenkins, captain of a British ship, claimed the Spanish Coast Guard, who had boarded his ship, cut off his ear. A few years later, he showed his ear, which he had pickled to preserve, to members of the House of Commons.

War fever had been brewing between the 2 countries over colonial trade, and the ear helped pressure the then English P.M., Robert Walpole, to declare war on Spain. Thus the War of Jenkins's Ear.

The English fleet attacked the Spanish fleet, and in one battle managed to cut off the nose of Carlos Lopez, a Spanish admiral, causing the Spanish to refer to the conflict as The War of Lopez's Nose (in Spanish, of course).

The 9-year war led to other wars that led to other wars that eventually led to the War on Poverty in 1964 and the current War on Terror.

Jenkins's ear and the Gomez's nose were put on display at the National Gallery in London, and can still be seen there. The Spanish have repeatedly demanded the nose be returned. But, then, the Spanish have also repeatedly demanded the English-controlled Gibraltar, a part of Spain ceded to Britain in 1713, be returned.

A few years ago, the English relented and gave Spain a choice between the return of the nose or the return of Gibraltar. This offer led to a fierce national debate in Spain in which no agreement was reached.

By then, England, under U.S. pressure, had rescinded its offer because Spain had withdrawn its troops from the Iraq war.

There have been (and still are) numerous other anatomical wars, but no one has bothered to have any of the hands, arms, feet, and legs that were chopped off pickled and displayed in a national museum, which don't exist in many countries anyway. Too bad. It's an historical loss.