The Unnature of Nature

A MAN RECEIVED a nasty shock while shaving

with an electric shaver in the shower. A friend

told him that electricity and water don’t mix.

The man said I thought that was oil and

water.

The friend explained that oil floats on the top of water and is never absorbed by the water the way sugar and cocaine are because it’s denser than water, but electricity, unlike sugar and cocaine, is conducted by the water, more or less the way a copper wire conducts electricity, and it’s not a matter of absorption.

The man was puzzled. “Does that mean if I poured electricity into a glass of water and drank it, I wouldn’t get high?”

The friend said you can’t pour electricity into anything. It’s not a substance but a flow of charged electrons and protons.”

The man, incredulous, said, “If I snort electricity, will I get stoned?”

The friend said, “You won’t get stoned, you’ll get dead.”

The man said, “But I can drink a glass of water and olive oil without getting dead.”

“Yes, that’s true, but you can’t drink a glass of water and motor oil, or transmission fluid, or hemorrhoid ointment without having some sort of negative gastrointestinal reaction.”

“But water and cocaine are okay, right?” said the man.

“That’s okay,” said the friend, but cocaine may destroy your brain cells, of which you seem to have few.”

“So the lesson to learn from this is never mix things. Take everything straight”

“That’s not the lesson to learn from this. The lesson to learn from this is don’t use an electric razor while showering, unless the electric

razor is made for using in water.”

“So you can use an electric razor while showering.”

“Depends on the razor,” said the friend.

“So, depending on the oil, oil and water might mix”

“Could happened,” said the friend. “Could happen.”

“So there’s no lesson to be learned from this.”

“None at all said the friend. Pardon me, I have to go.”